...And then...WHOOSH, I heard the toilet flush...

My youngest (Dee Dee and Lukey) are now three, and I love them dearly, but the last couple of days I've been wondering about the policy of leaving unwanted babies at the local fire station. Is there a way to bend that 72-hour rule into the 40-month rule?

The trouble started 40 months ag...wait, I mean about a week ago. Lukey decided that floating the plastic boats we used for bath time could also be used for independent fun in the toilet. This, is a huge, "EWWWW NO, NO don't do that, throw them away...GAH!" in my house. So the boats have been quickly disappearing into the trash.
Fast forward to 2 days ago. I hear flushing, flushing and more flushing. WTF... did all the kids have to go at the SAME time? Right at this point Taylor comes into the living room and very angrily tells me that Dee Dee and Lukey have flushed the strawberry body scrub she got from the $1 bin at target (may contain some lead) down the toilet. Whew, I'm thinking...the body scrub is water soluble...right? I told her we'd buy some more (they were out) and chased the babies out of the bathroom with some angry glares and not exactly age appropriate language.

About 2 hours later I use the toilet and it overflows (#1 luckily) we’ve had some toilet issues in the past, so I'm not thinking the worst of my kids...yet. My hubby and I take turns plunging it and eventually the water drains...slowly. At this point, I realize ALL the plastic boats are gone... Hmmmm. Hubby assures me that they had all been thrown away; surly they wouldn't fit into the toilet...

The next day I call the apartment maintenance guy and he comes and snakes the toilet. Out comes two hot wheels, part of a plastic boat, a watch face, a screw and a marble. He snakes some more, but no more stuff comes out, yet the toilet still isn't flushing properly. So, the apartment complex sends out for a 'professional' to come out the next morning at 10 AM.

Bright and early at NOON the guy shows up (hello, cooped up at home with energetic kids, and a second bathroom that is too small to hide in for long!) to get the toilet to work. He snakes, and snakes and snakes. He ends up getting some gravel (WTH do my kids eat?), an earring (not mine...hubby- you have some 'splaining to do), a penny, a nickle ( Woo hoo up .06 cents!) AND another plastic boat piece. It was truly unbelievable, the amount of...ummm...crap... that was in our toilet!

So, yeah, we are now on the bathroom buddy program... and no, Dee Dee and Lukey no longer get to be bathroom buddies!

Because its a ball, a yellow ball!! Or Why My Son Felt the Need to Stuff a Bead Up His Nose

On Saturday morning my sweet little son, Lukey, came to me complaining that his nose hurt. I gave him a cursory glance and in stellar mom fashion, said, "yup, it'll be fine Lukey, now go play with your sisters!" Granted, I hadn't had my coffee yet and he should know (he's known me for 3 years already!) that mommy doesn't put on her thinking cap until after her second cup of coffee.

A little bit later, I was looking for something under the couch and Lukey came walking up, in tears and said, "It suck (stuck) mommy." As he was standing over me, I looked up to meet his tear filled gaze and I spied something sunshine yellow and round in his right nostril. What the HELL? I took a closer look and sure enough there was something suck I mean, STUCK in his nose!

This was my first walk down this scenic garden path... none of my other kids (knock on wood) have thought to put anything but their fingers up their little noses. Leave it to Lukey to be the first!

My first thought, have him blow it out. Oh wait, Lukey doesn't blow his nose, he puffs up his cheeks and makes farting noises into the tissue when you tell him to blow. This started a round of the whole family, including the other 3 year old, looking into his nose and showing him how to blow. Hilarious...yes, productive... no.

Next, I decide to try and grab the little ball with tweezers. This scared the holy living crap out of the boy. He started to cry as soon as I came at him. Granted the tweezers have sharp ends and probably look ginormous to a 3 year old, but screaming like I was ripping his toenails out was a bit over the top! I tried to look friendly, competent and as non-threatening as possible, but he wasn't having any of it. It didn't work and was very traumatic, there were lots of tears and crying. The boy was upset by it too.

Sadly, I was now out of ideas, so I let him go play while I contemplated my next move. Ideas I tossed around:

1. Taking him to the Doctor (too expensive, save this as a last resort)

2. Leaving it in (I only considered it for half a second!!! plus, there was this image it traveling up to his brain...it could happen!)

3. Suck it out with some sort of a sucking device that I made using a straw, the vacuum cleaner and other found material. (I decided to shelve that idea and use it just before going to the doctor).

4. Squeezing it down and out of his nose (tried it, didn't work at all, unless my goal was to traumatize my kid)

5. Run away from home (me not Lukey!) and leave a note for social services explaining the nostril situation. (This was more of a brief but intense fantasy, rather than an actual idea) :P

After a little bit, I looked at the problem again and realized there was some room around the ball, if I could get something behind the object I might be able to sweep it out. A Q-tip did the trick and Lukey was very cooperative during THIS operation. I had to do it twice, the first time, I didn't realize the object was so big and he sniffed it back before I could coax it out. The second time I popped it out fast before it could go back to its hiding hole.

It turned out to be some sort of yellow bead, I'm not sure from what. When I asked Lukey why he put it in his nose, he said, "Its a ball, a yellow ball!!" Yup, thats what makes me want to put objects in my nose too, the exciting shape and color.

When I was a kid I was allowed to ______ but I wouldn't dream of letting my children do that!

My mom allowed us freedom, but I just don’t have the same comfort level she did. My mom felt safe letting me and my little sister, Marlo out to ride our bikes in the street in front of the house at the ages of 5 and 3. She let me walk to kindergarten by myself (as did all the parents). And I can remember being unsupervised in the house for small periods of time when I was five. I know, because I can remember doing some crazy stuff and if my mom were home…well, that would make her a horribly bad parent.

When I was six we moved to a rural area and all three of us (myself, Marlo and Marnie) (Yes all our names start with M…mom didn’t do it on purpose) played outside all day long. We played in the fields close to our house and visited friends that were measured by how many fields away they lived. We rode our bikes for miles and miles, from the time we got up until it got dark. PS we didn’t have cell phones, when mom wanted us, she had to come outside and YELL to get our attention.

One of the kids we played with the most had a yard that was reminiscent of the TV show Sanford and Son. There was the opportunity to get tetanus, be impaled or decapitated at nearly every turn. It was wonderful.

The family owned a bunch of chickens; the rooster was seriously deranged. So, we would tease it until it chased us and then we would scatter. At one point, the family strung wire across the yard for some reason, it was the perfect height, if a kid forgot to duck the wire would hit her right in the neck. I know this is true because it happened to my sister, Marlo.

One day, while exploring, we found a mattress in the dilapidated barn and dragged it out so we could jump from the barn roof onto the mattress. Not one of us was injured doing this, but now, as an adult I wonder about the cleanliness of that mattress.

When we weren’t at a neighbor’s house, it wasn’t much better. During a bike ride, my sisters and I saw a little rabbit go into a culvert. My littlest sister, Marnie, looked like she could fit through the culvert. So, our big plan- send her through while Marlo and myself waited at the other end. We would then catch the bunny when it was flushed out by the 5-year-old coming at it. All went well until she was wedged in the middle of it! To make things more interesting, Marnie is and has been deaf since she was a baby. So it’s not like we could shout ideas to her while she tried to wiggle out of the tight spot. Impressively, she didn’t panic and neither did we. She finally managed to wiggle back far enough that one of us could grab her feet and drag her out. My mom never asked why were so muddy, or if she did, we told some deft lie that didn’t include a bunny rabbit or a culvert.

As a child, I had some great experiences, learned stuff (culverts aren’t always the same diameter in the middle as they are at the ends) and have some great (terrifying) memories.
I sometimes wonder if my kids will grow up and regret the somewhat planned childhood they are experiencing. But, they are probably doing some dangerous and terrifying thing behind my back right now!

Earth Day

To celebrate Earth Day, Lukey, Dee Dee and I went to the Denver Botanic Gardens. I love going there in the Spring and its such a great way to honor Earth Day. The Botanic Gardens is in one of the older neighborhoods in Denver. The gardens are flanked by beautiful old mansions, Cheesman Park and high rise apartments. It is a lovely and tranquil oasis surrounded by city busyness.

DeeDee and Lukey were less impressed with all the blooming flowers than I was. They immediately began to run through the gardens trying to set some sort of land speed record for plant viewing. Luckily, trying to drown themselves in the water features and shredding the flowers at eye level helped slow them down. At least its never boring to go places with DeeDee and Lukey!

We ended up traveling the same direction as an older couple who thought DeeDee and Lucas were the cutest things they had ever seen. The gentleman told Lukey that he was going to call him Buckshot and his sister would be Pansy. Lucas loved the name Buckshot and to prove it had to YELL, "BUCKSHOT...BUCKSHOT..." in a very loud, piercing voice for well over a minute. I know that doesn't seem like a long time...but it is! The couple loved it and egged him on...much to my embarrassment.

The picture is of the kids being coy with the older couple who found them so, very cute. (I should have got a picture of the couple...but that would have taken a lot of thought on my part!)
It was a great way to spend a morning and to celebrate Earth Day!

Micky Donalds and a day at the park

Today we needed an outing, I needed to get out of the house and DeeDee and Lucas NEEDED to run around. After chatting about it we decided to go to Micky Donalds (McDonalds) and go to a local park for a picnic.

We decided to go to the Arvada Center and visit the dragon. The flowering plums were in full bloom, it was beautiful.

The day was warm, but not too warm and not a cloud in the sky. While we were having our picnic, DeeDee was being very loving with Lucas. I, wanting to believe my kids REALLY do love each other, snapped this picture for later proof.

It wasn't until I got home and downloaded the pictures, that I realized, DeeDee wasn't looking at her brother lovingly she was loving on the McNugget. I take comfort in the fact that she just looked lovingly at the McNugget and didn't wrestle it away from him like two chimpanzeesfighting over the last banana. Ahhh, sibling love...

Snowy Days and Olympic Events

For the love all that’s good, It’s April!!! Make the snow go away NOW! I feel like I have snow day turrets. Every time someone says, "snow" I spit out a swear word!

I’m going to try and be philosophical about it…its April and maybe this will be the last storm…please?

The babies are taking it pretty well, to pass the time they’ve been training for what could be great Olympic events:

(All events need at least two participants; preschoolers are preferred.)

The first event will be called: Good Chair/Bad Chair.

The Rules: Find two chairs that are the same in every way, in some bizarre tot ritual decide one is the good chair and one is the bad chair, fight to the death over the good chair. This will be a free style fight; hair pulling, screaming and eye poking are all considered good fun. The winner will be the athlete that can maintain sitting on the chair the longest. The loser will concede the game by shrieking, “MOMMY”!

The second Olympic event is called: Who Can Scream The Loudest

The Rules: Each athlete must be detained in a small room together with good acoustics. (Practicing for the first event is a good way to accomplish this.) Sit facing each other with feet touching. Each participant then places their hands over their own ears. Now the athletes must scream as loud and for as long as they can. The Gold medal winner is the one who shrieks the loudest and in such a horrific manner, that the judge (mommy) thinks that one of the athletes has had his or her eye ripped out.

The next event: The Naked Dash

The Rules: Participants must be naked to participate, for an interesting twist; the athletes may be wet and covered in slippery soap. Selective deafness for this event is a must. No matter what the judge says or yells, do the exact opposite, unless the judge is trying to use reverse psychology, then the participants should do whatever they want. One athlete will allow herself to be removed from a bathtub filled with water and soap by the judge. As soon as the judge turns around to get a towel the athlete will sprint away, the judge will not chase that participant because she still has another athlete in the tub. The remaining participant will also allow himself to be removed from the tub, and then twist away by using Toddler Kung Fu on the judge. Both athletes will then run around the house naked, dripping wet, giggling and screaming. The first to pee on the carpet wins this event. Extra point will be awarded to the one who pees on something that can’t be cleaned…like a book for example.


The final event in the line up (a favorite of the judge): The Nap Off

The Rules: Participants must GO TO SLEEP NOW!!! Points will be awarded to the athlete who doesn’t do any of the other 3 Olympic events while participating in the Nap Off. Further points will be earned by staying in bed, falling asleep the fastest and sleeping the longest. The winner…the judge

Photo Challenge Spring. Go fly a kite...

This weekend we went to the Kite Festival in a nearby park. Watching all those kites brought back memories of being a child and flying kites with my dad. How exciting it was when the kite went so high in the sky. Trying to imagine what it would be like to touch the clouds. I loved the feeling of the wind’s power dancing through the string into my little hands. Spring, to me, means wild breezes that come and go, and kids laughing, out of breath from getting their kites to defy gravity.

Kite DaysA kite, a sky, and a good firm breeze,And acres of ground away from trees,And one hundred yards of clean, strong string -O boy, o boy! I call that spring!
- Mark Sawyer